My Portion

The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:24

I think it would be accurate to say life has not panned out the way we truly and deeply desired for it to be in any complete sense – for any of us.

There are things about us that will never be fulfilled, never be gifted or utilized. They are the sacrificial lamb, our firstfruits. And we bring these to God to gift to him. These things can be our hearts, parts of our mind, our deepest sexuality, our love, our bodies, our hopes amd dreams. There are parts of me that every day are atrophying. Parts of my body that are in their very prime. Some of the best parts of who I am in my body and in my mind and talents and passions that are literally wasting away. No one wants them. They’ll never be used. And it makes me so sad.

We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made. You are. I am. We are sons and daughters of God and in many ways some of the best things God made about us will never truly be put into action fully here on earth. They will waste away, like Ecclesiastes 12. There are parts of our brains, our minds, that would be perfect for the lead character in a dramatic story here on earth yet our lives are stuck in a deadend job that leaves us mentally unfulfilled. Relationships, even the best marriages, leave others missing out, longing for fulfilment. Our bodies may never be used for winning the game with a last second jump shot. Our sexuality may never be fully used in our marriages to the degree we know it is designed for. Our wonderful bodies literally wasting away. Or our sexuality may never be used ever, speaking for those who never get married. Our talents may get shelved so that we can process paperwork mindlessly for a large corporation.

This is hard. It leaves us with a sense of FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. We start to think everyone else has that fulfilling job. We start thinking every other married couple is having deeply fulfilling sex. We start thinking others live out their mental capacities in their stories in ways we only dream of – if we could muster the courage to quit our job and start that self owned business. And for some that’s true that they can get a taste of Eden here, but for many others, we know we are grasping at straws and we will never be called into their places and stories and we will atrophy out to our death.

I am a happily married man of God who has been a lover of God foe 17 years. I have a great, high paying, high visibility job in one of the biggest companies in my city. I have a fantastic education. And I am wasting away in deep, hard places in my body, heart and mind and I mourn and weep over their disuse.

In other words, we are created for world that we do not live in.


In the face of us watching our own daily biological depreciation,we are given hope. And its two-fold.

One, that Yahweh himself wants to fulfill the deepest desires of us (Psalm 37:4, Lamentations 3:2r) He wants to be our portion. He wants to be the one we crave, we desire, the one we marry and live happily ever after with (Revelation 19:7-9). He’s the one. And to healthily package the undrrstanding of the atrophying of us, our bodies, our capacities, our sexuality, our hopes and dreams for family and fulfilling relationships of all scales and types, we have to wrap that in the love of God, that what we desire, we will get. Some of it we can fight for in this world. But even more of it we get as our inheritance as co-heirs with Christ. Our God is our Lover. And with him comes the storybook romance we’ve always dream of.

As an addition to this, we get the keys to the kingdom. The Father’s house is ours to play with. All of our loses, everything we’ve watched die in us is relived, brought back to life fully and enjoyed with others. We will know each other, deeply and intinately, and joyfully be known by each other.

It’s coming. And in the waiting we have to let our hope, founded on his unwavering promises, be our light in the dark guiding us to his embrace.

1 Peter 5:10,
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

So my friends,keep your chin up (I’m telling this to myself too). We have great things coming. Everything God set in your heart will be fulfilled in eternity (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We just have to hope in him and we will have the strength we need to finish this race.
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:3

You’re wonderfully, fearfully, strongly, beautifully made. And those parts of you that are not going to be used today, the best parts of you that no one wants or no one desires, place them in your wonderful hands and lift them up with loving, maybe teary eyes and give them to our Beloved, the Desire of Nations, Jesus. He won’t break your heart. He will rejoice in you.

Set your feet on the Rock, Jesus (Psalm 40:2). Set your deepest heart and desires on the Rock. Because anything else in this world is shifting sand and will try to swallow you up.

I hope you have a deep hope in Jesus. He is wonderful, loving and amazing. I hope today you feel his overwhelming desire for you.

Your brother,



22 thoughts on “My Portion

  1. Without being irreverent, I think being a Rock rooster🐓 is the best I can do. I have learned to be dependent upon nothing but Him. No substitutes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love that. No substitutes. And I love Rock rooster. It can get muddy for me at times…I want to be where you are at, dependent upon nothing but him. But people and life can make that difficult for me sometimes.


      1. Maybe I just make it look easy. Disabled, no job, racially discriminatory labour laws, no real pension, no family, no friends, just my wife and me standing on His promise, nothing else. I don’t see volunteers wanting to swap even for a day, any time soon. Living in faith may sound romantic but reality dictates otherwise. Yet, perhaps the best place to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good point. And true, no one is lining up to swap out for your path. But, quite true, perhaps the best place to be. This life goes too fast, as a mist. Then we enter into our Father’s house. Better to be soberminded and lacking here and have a full inheritance at our true home than fill our lives with imposters and lose out on eternity with Jesus.


      1. Understood. Its hard. I guess thats why it says in ecclesiastes its better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting. At least we are sober and clear headed to see that we should not takr the world’s imposters to fulfill our hearts but instead wait upon Yahweh.


    1. Thank you brother. If you would, could you please pray for me? I wrote this to process sometbing I have to hand over to God. It’s hard and I’m mourning it. I need to more tangibly hold on to his hope for life in eternity with him. Thank you Ryan!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amen! And I’d better get back to editing, but first:

    “Parts of my body that are in their very prime. Some of the best parts of who I am in my body and in my mind and talents and passions that are literally wasting away. No one wants them. They’ll never be used.”

    A wise person once reminded me I’ll have all of eternity to learn a certain language… I’m sure you will have a billion, zillion years to use them in ways you can never dream of now!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You made me day with that friend 🙂 that’s so true. I think I’ve been having trouble seeing the forest from the trees and am searching for hope as the helicopter to lift me off the forest floor to get a good view. Thank you 🙂

      How’s the book coming?

      Our trip was good btw! We had more relax time as parents last weekend then we’ve had in a long time. I was watching football with my father in law and brother in law, stretched out on the couch thinking, “Shouldnt I be playing make believe with the kids?” But the kids had a fantastic time with their cousins! The break felt nice!!

      Hope your labor day weekend was good!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So awesome. So glad you had some rest. Our weekend was good. I worked with my “blonde daughter” on Monday and my youngest has a cold, but we had a great time with my mom. Busy, but great.

        It’s crunch time for me. I’m getting chapter summaries done as I edit and need to have proposals ready to go by Sept. 20. So… if you don’t “see” me around much, that’s where I’ll be. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Glad to hear the visit was good! Understood on editing. Sounds like it’s go time! As you said, all hands on deck. I’ll say hi when you peek your head in to WP! And prayers for getting it done and for it to be successful!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Loved this. All the verses you brought are some of my favorites.
    I’m really in a dry period. On my walk this morning I was praying Lord, bring me closer to you. I feel distant. Give me that desire.
    Im pulled every which way with work and the fall semester starting with my students that I’m struggkibg to find time. Oh Lord keep me close.
    Thanks always for your encouraging posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m sorry you have been so pulled by work. I understand what you mean about the time. I got so fruatrated with it a couple months ago I just started waking up early to spend time with him even if it meant I got a bad nights sleep. Figured better to be tired than distant from him. Prayers for extra closeness with him for you today!! Blessings in Christ!!

      Liked by 1 person

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