This was a rough past couple days for me. It’s been minimal sleep, a strained and distant time with my best friend, my wife. It’s been God asking me to grow up a little in a couple areas. It’s been difficult. This is going to sound like I’m whining…because I sound like that here. I do. I’ll be honest.
I guess I need to process a little bit of it on here through writing. It started Saturday morning, where for like the 6th out of 7th night I got less than 7 hours of sleep. Our kiddos have been having a difficult time sleeping lately. Plus I have really bad allergies (I’m not trying to sound whiny here, really! So please forgive me if I sound like that), where it takes several hours to get to sleep some nights. I had to cancel being my 4th and 5th grade boys’ small group on Sunday because my wife and I really needed to get out of volunteering for a Sunday and spend time together in service with Christ. She had been struggling with some things and we needed to be together, my wife is the greatest priority in my life below Jesus. It was good. It was healing, especially for her which was good. But I’m just running on nothing these past several days. Or as Bilbo said in the Lord of the Rings, “I feel like butter scrapped over too much bread.”
Something a little silly…I’m practically phobic of elevators. Seriously. Like I hate them. But I work in a skyscraper and the elevators I usually take have really taken a turn for the worse and so I’ve been using a different elevator bank, which I’m really terrified of. They are the ones where you input the floor you want on the outside of the elevator and then once it arrives you step in and there’s like no buttons on the inside. It’s scary to me! Well, actually, I first said, forget it, I’m not going to take the other elevator bank and decided to climb the 16 stories of stairs to my office (I’m a runner and so the cardio is actually really great. I can do it in ~3 minutes and it helps me get in part of my 30 minutes a day workout). Except that part of the stairwell is next to this really gross insulation around these steel beams. And my allergies are already way too bad. I don’t think there’s asbestos in them, because of when the building was constructed, but…I just don’t get a good feeling like I should be there. I kinda feel God saying, take the elevator. So I’m being obedient and taking the elevator.
So here I am, having been a Christian man for 15 years. Solid in the faith. My heart is Jesus’. I have my chips all in for God. I know my identity in Christ. Yet…I am terrified to step into an elevator? That doesn’t fit, does it? And it’s seeming a lot like God is saying here, It’s time to grow up on this one, Joel.
In a way, I’m pissed about it! I had control over this little phobia for so long and now God has me in a position where I really do have to just trust him and step into the darn elevator and ride it up and down every day. UGH!! But, I can see his wisdom in it. I shouldn’t be afraid of really anything in this world, yet elevators terrify me. If that doesn’t say that I’m still a child in many areas of my heart and mind, I don’t know what does.
I’m tired from lack of sleep. Our son is going to sleep at 8pm and waking up at 6am. So my wife is going to sleep at 9pm with our daughters and I’m going to sleep at 10pm and doing chores for an hour. But we aren’t seeing each other. We aren’t getting any time together. It’s frustrating and sad. I know it’s just a season, and we’re going to find a way to make healthy choices for our marriage and solve our sleep problem, but right now…ugh, this just sucks. Oh, almost forgot. We’re in our front yard and my wife gets bit on the toe by a fire ant. Oh my gosh, her foot is the size of a large papaya now, with the gross puss nodule on the toe. And so she’s taking Benadryl at night to decrease the swelling and so she’s out at night, just plain asleep. I feel bad for her. I also miss the time with my best friend 😦
I’m also way behind on getting back with people. I think I have some voicemails that I need to get back on from the church leadership on small group and other stuff. I finally got to talk to one of my closest friends who lives in Kentucky, for the first time in a month, on Sunday. That was pretty sweet. But other than that, and the million other blessings that God has given me, which I don’t have enough space to write out here, especially the blessing of his Son which is the best thing in my life, that’s what I got.
Ok, I think I’m done venting. I hope to get back to the daily devotionals in the next day! Thank you for listening to me 🙂 I’m ready to get back to fixing things with Jesus in his will. Please keep me in your prayers the next day or two and hopefully God will land the jet plane I’m on and bring me to solid ground, out from the turbulence of late.
Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a great start to your week today! God bless you!